oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
