I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
