How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
