There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
