We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
