Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
