you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
