and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Congratulations! We have a period
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
