The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
