Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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