WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
