They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
