I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
