Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
