Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
