dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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