anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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