I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
