The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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