god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
