I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
