My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
