What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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