i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
