No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
