You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
