After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
