Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i believe in u and ur pee
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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