i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
