tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
