why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
