I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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