if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
