Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
