you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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