I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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