"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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