I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
