saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
