I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
