Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
