i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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