Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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