I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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