sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
