My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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