All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
