Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
