1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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