I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
