maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
