guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
