Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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